"Hello, it's me"

 I have decided, at least temporarily, to dust off the old blog. The last year I have had some convictions around Instagram. Especially when the girls are at an age when they can say, "Are you posting that to Instagram?" I am sure that when I was in fourth grade I would not have appreciated my photos being posted with out my consent. This platform is obviously still public, but I feel there is more of intention behind recording memories here that I miss. 

Since I last posted, we have accomplished quite a bit. I graduated from graduate school, I am a licensed therapist, I have a private practice, we bought and renovated a new home, Will has switched jobs, we have added two! more babies (Micah and Elliott), and we are living in a pandemic.  So here we go, lets see how long this lasts. 

a start to the new year

(picture not relevant to the post, but this is more accurate depiction of us)

When Will and I stayed in the hotel over Christmas, we spent the morning eating our room service breakfast and discussing goals for the upcoming year. One of the items I have been struggling with, is just how much work life takes. This past year, I just kept thinking we were simply surviving and when life would hit we would make a spur of the moment survival plan. We decided that this year would be a year we would attempt at planning better. We all know the, "best laid plans," phrase, but I do believe in a battle plan. 

Our battle plan focused on how we can better tend to our relationship, how we can better handle my school work load, and how we can better care for ourselves. 

As part of Will's Christmas present, I planned out 12 dates for 2015, one each month. We already had to reschedule the one this month because Will got a stomach bug, but the month is not over yet, there is still hope. Maybe we will even take selfies each date to fully document this relationship effort. 

We just hired a babysitter. We have taken out a loan to help pay out the remaining classes I have, so we decided a good use of that money would be to hire a babysitter. We had limited options and the woman we decided on has a rate that is practically criminal. Where was this pay when I was a nanny?? She is spanish speaking and tends to work with families who rely on her to raise their children. We will only have her for eight hours a week. This will allow me time to actually leave the house to study. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. She comes Monday for the first time. 

Will and I have always valued working out. However, with children it has been a little difficult to find the time. We both realized in order to find the time, we must make the time. I was getting used to working out during their nap time or taking them running, but with school and winter that is no longer an option. I joined a gym two blocks away and I am working on getting myself there before the girls wake up. I think volleyball try-outs in high school scarred me from my ability to wake up early and work out, but I know that this is something that requires discipline. Will is planning on working out in the garage during this time, so we can both complete our work outs by 7:30 am. 

I am hoping all of these decisions will create a more predictable schedule for our lives. We are also realizing how significant a schedule and predictability is for my sanity. With the stomach bug and various winter blues, this was the first morning we both worked out. Hopefully, next week will be a full week of taking steps towards these goals. 

hello

I feel I should explain why I have not blogged, but I think those two munchkins hold nearly every explanation. This blog has always been a place where I want to document our life. However, the actual living of life has taken precedent over any form of documentation.

We just came back from a week of visiting in Texas for Christmas. We were not able to see many of our friends, but the ones we did see, always ask, "How is life?" It is quite difficult for me to summarize exactly how our life has been since the last time we saw them. I usually say, good, or busy, or hard. All of which offer an answer, but give little insight into what our life is actually like. I think the lesson I have learned this past year is that our life is one that is spent constantly tending to the basics. Its as if the all the logistics of living have become heightened and consume us. Staying home with the girls gives me a deep awareness of how constant the need for nuritionment can be, every three hours they remind me. There are shirts to be buttoned, pants to be changed, socks to match, squabbles to regulate, letters to be taught, behaviors to discipline, faces to scrub, all of which happen before we have even left the realm of our home. Then there are the papers to write and counseling books to read. There are appointments for never ending coughs and difficult LASIK surgery recovery. There are heater repairmen, plumbers, and electricians to call. There is a mom and dad who need reminding that they are also husband and wife. 

The weight of having children actually presses heavier with time. I kept waiting for that moment when the responsibility of it all would lift a bit, but I have realized this role is heavy. There is no escaping this lifelong duty to care for my girls. 

This has been a year of extreme stretching. Both of us have felt pulled and pushed. We have come to acknowledge that we must embrace this life we are living now. It is hard sometimes, but this notion that life is supposed to be easy has taunted us continually. Life is not easy and that is why we are in need of a Savior,  in need of a hope that supersedes this life. 

We had the chance to get away for an evening to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary when we were in Texas. The highlight, besides sleeping through the night, was conversing with Will uninterrupted. We were able to talk about goals we have for ourselves, for our relationship, and for our family. I feel hopeful for this year. We will probably still be continually exhausted and worn (hello, three grad classes this semester), but I hope we stop trying to rely on our own strength to get through the struggles. 

The pictures above are from our third attempt at family photos. My brother took these and I felt really hopeful in the outcome. However, we quickly discovered that the lens must have a crack because a line ran through nearly every photo and the photos were also out of focus. I tried to blur out the line, but it is still visible. I was quite discouraged, but having perfect family photos does not really matter, resulting in yet another life lesson I must learn. 

None of this would have made a very uplifting Christmas card, but it embodies the season of our family, and I feel looking back at this time will be worth while someday. 

it has been a while

Oh, blogging. I want so badly to have time to continue documenting our lives. It seems that instagram has taken over my documenting lately, even that is a bit sparse. After my last blog post is when we were hit with the virus, hand, foot, and mouth. I may still be recovering. Eliza screamed from the sores and my high fever forced me to call my mom for help. Life seems to be a blur after that. I want to mentally list off the things I never documented for my own sake. 

- Will went to Alaska at the end of July to early August. I was alone with the girls for ten days. I survived! He got to adventure with his good friend and forget about his needy girls. It was the first time he took solid days off of work. I was a little apprehensive about him actually coming back, but he did, and we are all so thankful!

-The very next weekend I went backpacking with some women (ladies? girls?). I was absolutely freezing, but loved being out in the wilderness. We have not had much time to just purely escape in the mountains since children, so I needed the time away. I felt thankful that I found a group of friends who desire to be outdoors and seek adventure. 

- Then we went to Winter Park. Will found a coupon for a hotel there and we decided to visit. There are countless places in Colorado we still have never visited, Winter Park was one of them. The town was basically deserted and incredibly kid friendly. We rode a gondola up to the ski resort area continuously, per Madison's request. We went to bed early, woke up early, and napped all together. It was a refreshing time for us as a family to not have any distractions. 

- I believe we went camping the weekend before Labor Day. We went with friends of ours with children the same age. We camped at 10,000 feet near a lake. The weather was 50 degrees and raining the entire time and our tent had holes. I am thankful for the experience, but I was miserably cold. This weekend was also the weekend our nephew and the girl's first cousin was born, Archer. 

- School started for me. I am about halfway through this semester and will start another class in a week. I will be meeting twice a week for class the remainder of the school year. It is really difficult for me to handle school, but some how we are making it through. This is probably the top reason I do not blog. Right now, I am blogging because I should be writing a paper. 

- Then there was Labor Day. This is the weekend we got sick. We had high hopes of building a fence and rounding off the house projects. Will started the fence, but it has sat unfinished since. 

- We all traveled with Will to a conference in Ft. Collins. Will attended the statistics conference while we hung out in a rental house. It ended up being another fun trip for us exploring a town we had never visited. We even took the girls to a beer tasting at a cider brewery. 

- I traveled solo to North Carolina to see my brother graduate with his Green Beret. This was a huge accomplishment on his end and I was so thankful I could celebrate with him. It is even better because he got stationed in Colorado Springs and will be here (in between deployments) for the next four years. He arrived in Colorado October 3 and it has been fun!

- Will's parents came in for a quick visit the first weekend in October. We did fall activities like attend a cider festival. We also rode the light rail downtown and explored Union Station. It was a nice visit. 

- Then we hosted Grant and his girlfriend the following weekend. We welcomed them to Colorado by attending a neighborhood handmade artisan festival. 

- Now we are half-way through October. This was going to be another weekend of house projects, but none of them were completed. Where does the time go??? The children are proving to still be a lot of work. We also had a saga picture taking fiasco that took up most of the weekend. Coordinating outfits, weather, two walking children, no photographer, and a perfectionist mom do not mix well. 

I am sure I left details out or have already blogged about them, oh well. Now, I have to finish the paper. 

Will claims we got a few good ones, but I am not entirely convinced. 

yet another house update!

I am roughly coming to terms with my need to constantly be changing up my decor. I really do like making our home a space that I feel inspired, comfortable, and aesthetically pleased. I am constantly working within my own boundaries of hating clutter, frugality, and practicality of having two small children. The majority of the updates I have done this year have cost less than $5,  were dumpster finds, and done by rearranging decor used in other rooms.

 The only real update I have left to do is our bathroom. I have wanted a dark painted room for some time (pretty much black). I thought that the bathroom would be a small enough space that I would not regret the decision. We are purchasing the items needed for the update a little at a time. Right now, I have the new shower curtain that I bought from Urban Outfitters. We are still waiting on buying new towels, a rug, and a new wall rack to add more storage. 

Let's start from the front door. 

I found the coffee table in the dumpster. It needed some glue to put it back together because it was in two parts. I also painted it white to hopefully cover whatever may have been left from the previous owner. The white, wooden chair by the door was also a dumpster find. Will says I have a problem. The gray rug I actually bought new from Urban Outfitters. The sheep skin rug was a craigslist purchase. Let's just say I thought it would be much larger. 

I finally added Eliza's little silhouette to our family collage. 

Our room is mostly the same. That rug has had many homes the past few months, but I like where it has settled now. The biggest change for our room is that it is actually ours now. We have moved everything that is baby related into the girl's shared room. This is another reason for the bathroom remodel, it will be a celebration of reclaiming our room. 

I am still probably going to be tweaking their room, but it is in a spot that I feel good about. The quilt on Madison's bed was made by Will's mom. Everything else I made. Those tassels are made out of a dollar store table cloth and I had to add embroidery hoops somehow. 

We keep all of their toys in the closet. We are fortunate to have such huge closets that this seems to work well for now. When Eliza eventually leaves her beloved pack-n-play we are hoping for bunk beds, which will leave more space for toys in the actual room. 

I know it is kind of taboo to have toilet pictures, but I have never shown the guest bathroom. It is hard to photograph because of how small it is, but hopefully you get the gist. I had to have that ampersand sign even though Will continually asks me what exactly it means. I tell him I have no idea, I just really like it, ok??

Another view our repainted cabinets and homemade table. I am still so pleased with our cabinets. Those flowers on the table are from a bush that came with the house and  have absolutely ignored. It grows larger every year and is now producing the most beautiful flowers. How that works and then we immediately kill all our flowers we purchase, I have no idea?

The room that has continually changed. Since Eliza booted us out of our room for twelve months, we had to find a bed we could comfortably sleep in. I found a tempurpedic mattress from a dad in our neighborhood who just thought, "it was much too soft." I actually prefer the mattress over ours. The new comforter was a garage sale find and is a bit lumpy, but Will prefers the pattern over the other one. 

That is what our house looks like exactly in this moment because I took these photos about fifteen minutes ago. 

Maybe next I will blog about our family adventures we have gone on the past two weeks. 

head comparisons

I took some of my favorite photos of the girls last year around this time. I laid them on a white blanket and focused on just capturing their heads. I just love the way they were both staring at the camera. I look at the picture and feel a great connection to them. 

I decided that it might be fun to try and recreate the photos. The only real issue was that Eliza is now mobile and gets extremely frustrated when she feels she is being forced to do something. I had about ten seconds to capture the photo because Eliza quickly realized she did not want any part of this photo taking business. The first couple of pictures were the only decent ones I could get. However, I have about fifteen that look identical to the last photo. Maybe next year I will have better luck.