Newborn Pictures

These pictures were taken when Madison was two weeks old. I had a minor breakdown when I realized the window to get newborn pictures was quickly closing and I had not found an affordable photographer (um, not paying over $1,500 for newborn photos...) I finally stumbled upon a local photographer on Facebook and she was incredibly affordable and the pictures are beautiful. I am so thankful we had these taken to remember all her newborn details. I can not wait to frame them and put them up in our new place.

One Month Old

I am sure every parent says this, but time is moving at warp speed. One month, wasn't I just pregnant?

Here are some highlights from the first month:

* Madison is now eating chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes, well she might as well be because I think that the milk pouring from me is doing about the same thing for her weight gain as any southern meal would.

* We have been using cloth diapers since Madison was two weeks old. I love, love them! They do not leak, do not irritate her skin, we always have them available, and I do not have to take the trash out everyday. I think everyone should use them, I find them a lot more convenient than disposables.

* I am pretty sure Madison is able to control her smile now. Kisses bring out the most grins. Even kisses from Aspen get the same toothless smirk.

* She recognizes our voices, especially Will's. She tries so hard to to follow his voice with her head, but she just can not quite get her head to do what she wants.

* She loves taking a bath with me. I think that if someone was to ask what the hardest part of parenthood is (besides the whole lack of sleep), it would be getting the stench out of her neck rolls. Seriously, I scrub them like three times in the bath and the smell never leaves. She just stores stuff in all her creases, and no matter how hard I try I can not get all the lint, dog hair, dry skin, and sour milk out. I told Will, I thought CPS would take her away because of this.

* She is extremely vocal. It is endearing during the day, but not so much at 4 am. She is full of squeals, squeaks, grunts, and moans. She has started to play with the different pitches. She makes these sweet cooing noises when she falls asleep, so adorable.

I can not wait to watch her grow and learn. It will be such a thrill to introduce her to everything. Madison has some exciting adventures ahead of her, including a plane ride in a week and a half to Denver.

Another Week Away

This past week we went to Houston again. We went back because Will's two sisters came into town. It was really wonderful for Will's family to have everyone back home, under one roof. Madison stole the show and received tons of loving. This trip went a lot smoother than the previous one because I chose to just relax. I really believe that Madison picks up on whatever anxiety I might be having. I was even able to leave her for four hours for a date.

The one comment we always hear about Madison is how animated she is with her faces, well, and noises, but those are harder to photograph. She has the amazing ability to stop making a cute face as soon as the camera clicks, but here are a few. Notice the ever growing chin, the pound she gained last week went straight there.

We did not spend as much time running around the city, but we did stop by to see my dad, grandmother, and aunt. Madison slept the entire time. I am pretty sure my dad has only seen her sleeping. My dad also gave us with a gift card to a very fancy restaurant called, Taste of Texas. He wanted us to have a night away from everyone. Being able to leave Madison is getting easier, I mean leave her for a few hours. Especially since I knew I was leaving her with people who adore her as much as we do. It was great for Will and I to discuss and reflect on our relationship without any distraction.

I did have a brief moment of tears. Will was sharing how his dad came in the living room at 5 am to him rocking Madison back to sleep. He could tell that Will had been up for a while and looked exhausted and said, "Don't worry she will be sleeping through the night soon and you will miss this." I immediately burst into tears. Happy tears because I am so flooded with emotion thinking about how precious these moments are. Will and I both feel parenthood has been one of the greatest things we have done and do not want to wish any of it away (even getting up every two hours).

Weekend Happenings

We actually made it out to church on Sunday. Madison had been up since five that morning, but did surprisngly well at church. I mean she did not really sleep at all during the service, but she sucked (very loudly) away at her pacifier, and I got my arm work out in by holding her the entire time (thanks Will).

Madison had her first bottle on Sunday. When my friend, Eliz, offered to take me to get a manicure and pedicure this weekend when we go to Houston, I had to make sure missy would take a bottle. She finished that bottle in five minutes and made me feel obsolete. I then had to make sure I wasn't and fed her myself afterward, which resulted in her overeating and having projectile spit up. So I think it is safe to say I am not replaced by a bottle yet.

Just a little family photo shoot. Madison has not perfected looking at the camera yet.

Sometimes our self photo sessions do not go as planned. Madison looks thrilled to be kissed by her doting parents.

Dried spit-up + extra long nap + bald spots = glamour shot

Those Lips

absolutely kill me.

A Glimpse

This has been our life lately. It seems our time is spent with a sleeping baby or attempting to get the baby sleeping. I think that for the most part we our enjoying every little moment. She is growing before our eyes. Seriously, after a three hour nap yesterday, she doubled in size.

We actually left our safety net last week and headed to Houston. Overall, it was great to see people, but it was a bit too much for me and Madison to handle. I am still attempting to recover, which leaves me feeling less than social. Madison, is still figuring out life and her whole "schedule" was thrown off. I also felt pressure, probably self-created, to have everything together. I found myself very uncomfortable when Madison would cry. I felt the need to prove to people that we were still the same and having a baby does not change anything. Well, a baby does change everything. Will and I are not able to just sit back and relax with friends. There is a constant companion who either needs to be fed, changed, or rocked to sleep. My mind was never fully devoted to whoever we were visiting because I have something in constant need of me.

I think that the problem was I thought that if Madison was fussy it was my fault. I felt/feel that if she is not acting perfectly it is a reflection of me. I am not giving her enough stability, I have not formed a good enough schedule for her, etc. So, once again, I am faced with my perfectionism.

The point of these two paragraphs is my insecurities have taken a new form. Will reminds me that Madison is her own person and also not a reasoning being. That no one really knows what to do with a baby, its a huge learning process. That it is only me who expects me to have it all together.

The reality is I do not have it all together. My baby cries and I am sometimes left wondering what the heck I should do for her. My body is still healing and resting from carrying a baby for ninth months. My relationships will change. My whole perspective on life is changing also. In the end, Will and I are never going to be the same. But it is a beautiful change, a change I should not feel ashamed about.

For right now, our life is about Madison. She will grow to need us less and less, but in this moment we are her source for everything. The only problem with that is when my expectations get in the way.

So I will be attempting to let it all go. When she cries, I can not take it personally. I must accept her fully in every moment, even the moments of hysterical crying. I must accept where I am at in every moment also, even when my clothes still do not fit and I am covered in breastmilk. These moments are all too precious to have perfectionism cloud them.