we are having...

A HEALTHY BABY!

We still do not know the gender. Things did not go as planned this morning. The plan was to go to the ultrasound, have them write down the gender in an envelope, we go and have a blue or pink onesie wrapped up, go to sushi and open the present. I, however, did not pay close enough attention to the appointment time. So when I got a call right when I was walking out the door that I should have been there an hour ago, I was a mess. The long awaited ultrasound got pushed back until two and now we have decided to open the onesie tonight. Ah, the anticipation!

We had planned to tell our parents in person when we go back in a week, but I am dying to tell now. Will made me promise to not tell my mom, sorry mom! It will be fun to tell them in person since we did not get to tell them in person we were having a baby.

I feel incredibly blessed that the baby is beautifully healthy. I can not stop saying, "Our baby is healthy!" The pictures are not that great because lil' one did not cooperate for the photo booth, but they are still adorable. The one on the bottom is its little foot. Notice the defined calf, Will is very excited about the child's future athletic career, ha, boys!

Life is simply amazing. In 15 short weeks our little baby has transformed from a mere spec to a creature with facial features and organs, unbelievable.

I am filled with love.

Today is the Day!

In an hour we will be leaving for the ultrasound. I am praying for a healthy little nugget. If the amount of kicks are any indication of their health, I would say we are in luck.

Half-Way to Baby

How far along: 20 Weeks, that is half-way to 40!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: catching up to Will

Maternity Clothes: I didn't wear any maternity clothes this week. Just the over sized jeans that I bought. I also purchased some actual maternity shorts for when I move back to Texas. I can totally see myself wearing them as non-maternity shorts though, they are pretty cute.

Gender: one or the other I am sure

Movement: The movement is pretty predictable these days. When I am eating or right after I ate, when I am sitting or resting, and when I wake up in the morning. It just feels like my stomach muscles are seizing over and over again.

Sleep: We went to Missoula so Will could attend a Wild-life conference on Wednesday and just got back home today. Well, we stayed in a hotel and I slept beautifully. I am not sure if it was because of the awesome bed and completely dark room or the fact that the carpet muffled all of Aspen's noises.

What I miss: I still miss being warm. Gosh, it is numbingly cold. So cold that when we arrived back home today, one of our water pipes to the shower had frozen. The pipe runs INSIDE the wall of our apartment, that is how cold it got. I want to be tan also. That sounds really shallow, but I just love the feel of the sun on my skin.

Cravings: Still Cold-Stone's Cotton Candy ice cream. I have not indulged because I really want to try and minimize my sugar intake. Which means that by the time I think about wanting the ice cream I have already had enough sugar to last a lifetime that day.

Symptoms: I still itch.

Best Moment this week: Getting back to Bozeman safely despite the winter storm that hit Montana while we were traveling to Missoula. Oh, and THREE days until the ultrasound.

I think it is love. You can barely see her tongue sticking out, but she was just practicing cleaning the baby.

Pregnant Princess

When I was first called for this job, Will shook his head and said, "You can not be a pregnant princess, stephanie." I reassured him of course I can!

Turns out he was right. A form fitting princess dress does not mesh well with a busty, five month pregnant girl. I could not get that dress of fast enough. I have never been squeezed that tight. Will was laughing at my appearance so hard he began to cry. He decided that I should refrain from ever having brown hair or bangs. Oh and to top off the costume, it was hovering around 0 degrees outside. I am just thankful I made it through the party.

On an unrelated note, I had a irrational pregnancy breakdown. It is still a bit fresh in my mind, but I think I am gradually getting to the point of laughing about it. Yesterday I decided we should go work out and reward ourselves with ice cream. The only ice cream I have any desire to eat is Cotton Candy ice cream with sprinkles. I usually go to Cold Stone, but decided to change it up to Baskin Robbins since I knew they have had the cotton candy ice cream in the past. However, they did not have it yesterday. I started crying in the car ride home because I was so upset I had to get a different kind of ice cream. I was literally overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment, ha, over ice cream!

Camping in the Winter

We are all unpacked and cleaned up from last night's camping experience. Will rented us a forest service cabin in the mountain range 20 miles from our house. We packed our bags and the doggie oggie and set out for a little adventure.

The cabin was only a quarter mile walk from the car and it was very manageable for a nearly five month pregnant woman like me. After making our pallets on the ground, Will began to try and start the fire. I wandered around with Aspen and took some pictures. When we got back, Will had still not started the fire and we were down to ten matches. Luckily he married a genuine mountain woman and I got it started on the first try.

The room got quite toasty, Will taught me a card game, Aspen claimed Will's bed as her own, and we just talked for five hours with out distractions. Well, the only real distraction was the sudden sound of heavy footsteps outside the door and a booming knock that shook the whole cabin. Um, creepy! The man at the door sounded drunk and like he was slurring his words. Turns out he had left some kerosene there the night before and decided that skiing to the cabin at eight at night was the best time to get it back. After our hearts slowed down, we resumed our night.

The fire of course died during the night, which made for a cold morning. We bundled up and began to start on breakfast. I slowly cooked the eggs and bacon. We were able to enjoy breakfast biscuits about an hour after we started the stove. We decided we would be fine if we never have a wood burning stove of our own to cook on.

Overall the trip was wonderful. I think Will said about twenty times, "This cabin is so awesome, we could so build a cabin like this." Now we are relaxing and I am killing time until I have to make an appearance as Belle at a princess party. I am seriously worried about the costume zipping. I might have to retire my princess hat pretty soon.

week nineteen

I have seen this on several people's blog who are pregnant. I think they are lame sometimes, but it might be something fun to do every once in a while. So here is the recap of week nineteen.

How far along: 19 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: going on fourty pounds, ha.

Maternity Clothes: I bought some clothes that are three sizes too big, does that count? The jeans in the picture above are size 29 and make me feel really skinny right now because I can actually button them.

Gender: one or the other I am sure

Movement: YES! lil babe is moving right now. It feels like muscles spasms beneath my belly button.

Sleep: between the vivid dreams and get up and pee shuffle every night, sleep is rough. I finally fall asleep around five, but then Will gets up shortly after that and rummages around and makes loud boy noises.

What I miss: being warm. Ha, that has nothing to do with pregnancy. Just in general I miss being warm.

Cravings: Nothing really. Food in general is just the greatest thing to me these days. The only thing I want for my birthday is food. The only thing I want to spend money on is food. Gosh, its bad, but it tastes soo good!

Symptoms: Itchiness. I itch all the time. Maybe that is because of the dryness here but either way its annoying.

Best Moment this week: Camping was pretty great.

on my mind

* My dog's snoring kept me up last night. Yes, Aspen, is a snoring, stinky dog. She literally sounds like an old man snoring with each inhale. At least if it was Will snoring, I could hit him and say cut that out, but I am afraid Aspen would be unable to understand.

* I might have mentioned this before, but I am trying really hard to fight the fear that drives our society. It seems that no matter what type of magazine I browse through there is always an article directed towards fear. For example, the parenting magazines have parenting "tips" that seem to only make the point that if you say or do the wrong thing you will screw your child up. Who needs to read about that stuff?? Who can possibly think about every little thing they say to their child and analyze it before the words come out of their mouth? Another example is all the "dangers" to avoid while pregnant. I do not feel relieved to have read the information but instead feel as if I must create a bubble immediately and never leave. Because everything down to the type of bottle I drink my water out of could harm me. I think that the best thing I can do is realize that while some of this advice might be accurate, fear is not something God designed for us to live in. Fear is crippling and I must choose to live free of fear.

* I will most likely be writing more about fear because I can find its evidence everywhere. The birthing classes we will be taking later on in March address the fear associated with birth and the way it distorts the birthing experience.

* I truly want to fight all negative thoughts I might have towards my expanding body. I believe, for the most part, I am embracing my expanding torso. Even to the point that Will continually shakes his head at how much I rub my uncovered belly because I love letting it all hang out. However, this past week, despite working out every day, I felt those negative thoughts creeping in. Thoughts like: Why won't my arms tone? My belly does not look as good as I think it does. My face is already swelling up. Even my comment on last week's picture of looking as big as a whale, is not productive. I do not want those negative thoughts to strip away the beauty of creating life and the beauty of living free from the chains of self-hatred. I want to take pride in what my body is capable of, whether it is running a marathon or housing a child for nine months.

* I am almost certain we are going to find out the gender of our lil munchkin. I can not find a reason to really sway my opinion one way or the other. I think that either way is great and other people should not judge someone's decision to find out. However, if the child decides not to cooperate, I will be totally ok with that also. I am pretty sure we will keep the name to ourselves until they are born. I really do not think I can handle people's opinion on the name and once the name is on the birth certificate there is not much room for an opinion.

* We are spending the night in a forest service cabin tomorrow night. There is no running water or electricity. Which is really ok except for the fact I get up of a minimum four times a night to use the bathroom (probably most annoying symptom of pregnancy thus far). So that means getting up and popping a squat in the below freezing temperatures, yikes. I should have pictures from the experience (ha, not the experience of peeing outside), some pictures other than my belly.

* I have more thoughts, but this is enough rambling for now.

Hey, Mom, What is in there??

Besides me looking like a whale, I think this has got to be one of my favorite belly pictures. The stomach has grown, but I am sticking it out more than usual, which enhances the size.

Will's birthday on Wednesday ended up being really great. We went to a brick oven pizza place downtown. However, we did not realize how "uppity" it was. Nearly every table had a bottle of wine and everyone seemed to exude wealth. The tables were really close together and I really enjoyed getting to hear other people's conversation. Is that strange?

We have been munching on the cookie cake I made him all week and he has worn the shirt I bought him everyday since his birthday, ha.

I also knit my first baby item this week. Well, I finished it this week, because two weeks ago when I started, I became so flustered I threw it in the knitting bin and seriously contemplated throwing it away. The hormones do sometimes play a role in my reaction to things lately, but don't tell Will I admitted to that.

I have no idea when our child will need a wool sweater in Texas, but it kept me occupied for a bit. I feel the urge to get things situated for when the baby comes, but I am pretty much at a stand still because we are going to be moving. I did register at Target, but that is about all I can really do right now.

We are going to go hiking, crossing our fingers Aspen doesn't unleash her aggression on any dopey golden retriever.

Two weeks from Monday we will have the ultrasound. I can. not. wait. Three weeks from Monday I will be in Texas with the bro bro. I. can. not. wait. for that either!

Slow Weeks

I use slow to describe time, not growth, ha. I will start the post with some pictures of the expanding bump.

(after every picture, I ask Will, "does it look like I am pregnant?" and he replies with, "Sure, but all I can really see is your broken knees.")

Two weeks ago I had my sixteen week appointment with my lovely Dr. Everything still seems to be doing well and the heart rate is down to 153 beats per minute. I also scheduled the BIG ultrasound for February 28th just two days before I am twenty-one weeks. I say BIG because it is the one I have been anxiously waiting for. We have opted out of any sort of genetic screening because honestly the chances of us being carriers are really slim, but there is still the off chance something might not be developing properly with our little babe. So at the ultrasound we will get the chance to see the chambers of the heart, organs, brain formation, and also possibly the gender. The baby will actually look like a baby at this ultrasound. The countdown is three weeks, I am already praying for my nerves.

The exciting thing is that a week after the appointment I make my way down to Texas. The brother will be visiting before his pending deployment and I want to spend as much time possible with him. I will be staying two weeks and Will is going to fly down once his spring break kicks in. This is another benefit of not having a job, I can just take two week vacations. I have some great stuff arriving in the next month or so, but right now I am just sitting in anticipation of it all.

Will's 26th birthday is the Wednesday. I have actually put some thought into it this year. The week will include lots of homemade meals (I am really getting great at this cooking thing), a surprise dinner (he never reads this), a cookie cake, and maybe a hat for aspen. I was a slacker for our anniversary, but hopefully this will make up for it. All special occasions (Christmas, anniversary, Will's Birthday, Valentine's day, and my birthday) fall within three months of each other and it makes the creativeness somewhat difficult.

I wish I kept a log of all the pregnancy related comments Will makes because some are pretty ridiculous. For example, this one stands out in my mind.

Back Story: I have been trying to attempt to guess what I am going to look like when I am largely pregnant. Will I be huge everywhere, just in the stomach, etc. So I have discussions with Will about this a lot, here is how one went down....

Me: "So I think I may be one of those pregnant women who..."

Will: Interrupting me says, "who is huge as a house."

I must give him credit though. I have put him in a position to discuss all sorts of topics he could have gone a lifetime without discussing, but who else am I supposed to discuss these things with? He is really patient and attempts to partake in conversations even when they revolve around nasty birth stories.

One more pregnancy related topic (for now). I thought that maybe it was just in my paranoid head people that people have been giving me the stare down because of my bulging abdomen, but yesterday Will confirmed it was not just me. I have gotten to the point where I do not even look around in a public place to see who is looking at me. However, Will noticed this woman stare at my stomach, stare at Will, stare at our hands (for rings), stare at my stomach... I guess it doesn't help that Will looks sixteen.

That is pretty much all I can think of to write about. I keep hoping that someday I will have interesting topics to share, but until then just pregnancy.

I will leave you with this.