I think before I begin the actual telling of the story, I should back it up a bit to when I became pregnant. Overall, Madison's birth experience was a non-dramatic, pretty basic birth, that gave us a beautiful baby girl. However, there were certain things I was incredibly disappointed with and knew I wanted to try to do things a bit different this time. I think that the knowledge of having gone through a delivery once made the world of difference in being a voice for myself during my prenatal care. I think any first time mom can do all the reading/research available, but still not know what to expect until they have experienced it. The main things I wanted different this birth was to be under the care of midwives, to be given an actual chance to deliver with out pain medication, to have my labor supported by my caregivers. I had some time to ask around about the various hospitals in Denver and found one that I knew would fit my needs. The midwives I chose to go with are supportive of the mother and her wishes. They did not give me any sort of side eye when I expressed my desire to potentially have a water birth and have a birth with no medication. I knew that they had methods in place to make this possible. I knew that they would stay with me during my labor and encourage my wishes instead of discourage me. I knew they were passionate about their job and the celebration of birth. During my prenatal care, I had a wonderful experience. The care was really hands off and the focus was on how I was doing emotionally more so than medically. I felt uplifted and there was a lot of positivity surrounding this upcoming birth.
My mentality this time around was a bit different also. The first time around I knew that I wanted to have a natural birth, but it was not for myself, it was for the sake of saying I had a natural birth, like a pride thing. This time around, after already having had an epidural, I knew that I wanted to experience for myself the process of labor. I knew that I would always wonder what it felt like to bring my baby into this world with out being numb. I knew that birth is something that women are capable of doing and I wanted to fully know what my body was made to do. So I surrounded myself with people who would support my desires ( I did not spend much time discussing what kind of birth I wanted with people who I knew would not support natural birth, met some moms who had natural births, I had a Doula, I had a medical team that encouraged me), but I still wanted to keep an open mind if it did not go exactly how I wanted. Overall my main focus was on my mindset. I had to not look at Madison's birth and feel discouraged because I had pain medication. Any fears or doubts I had about the process, I immediately pushed from my mind. I thoroughly enjoyed this pregnancy and accepted my body for it doing such a wonderful thing. The power of our mindset is really incredible, and I believe that this made a world of difference for me.
Ok, so since that the introduction to Eliza's story was a novel, lets get to it.
As I had said previously, we were really holding out to have this baby for when Will's work obligations were to a minimum and my mom was here to take care of Madison. Well, we made it! Yet, I was starting to worry (silly mind), that we would not have this baby before my mom left. Once again, I had to keep telling myself that this baby would come when it is ready. I wanted to trust myself and not be consumed with anxiety.
So my due date came and went. I knew I was really thankful for the downtime before the baby came. Will and I had several dates. I had some time to just be around my mom. It was for sure a calm before the storm, so to speak.
I had my midwife appointment Wednesday morning, June 19th. We ewnt to breakfast before hand and I tried to stay optimistic, even if this baby came a week late or whenever. I got the appoinment and I was barely dilated, but my midwife swept my membranes (a procedure, that if the baby is ready, could start labor). I had this done with Madison and nothing really happend afterwards, so i knew that I should not get excited.
I came home and took a nap ( I was actually sulking). I texted a few people telling them I still had a while to go and that I was trying not to get discouraged. All the while, I had some contractions here and there, but thought nothing of them.
I got up and we all played outside in Madison's blow up pool. The contractions were coming pretty consistently at this point. Maybe every ten minutes. This was around 2 pm. I just sat in our adirondack chairs, casually taking note of the contractions, while madison splashed me with water.
Then around 3:15, I headed inside to take a bath. I need some time to gather myself because I was getting anxious to know if this was real or not. After the bath, around 3:45pm, my mom, Madison, and I laid down in my bed for a "nap." I noticed the contractions took a bit of a turn, as in coming every five minutes. I still did not want to think anything of them because I did not want to get my hopes up. I just laid there in bed with my mom and Madison and worked through the contractions every five minutes. I could tell my mom was getting a little antsy because she kept insisting I get my phone and time the contractions. I told her that this is what happened with Madison, but it was not the real thing. I did not want to get caught up in timing them, that I would just know when I was in real labor.
When we finally stopped "napping," around 4:30pm, I got up to sit on the excersice ball and distract myself. At this point, I demanded to know where Will was. He had been outside all day and all of a sudden I was hit with a wave of frustration towards him. I was a bit taken back by how short I felt with him. I sat on the ball and just stared at the televison. will began to offer me food, ask me questions, etc, but I was so bothered. He offered to watch some Hulu with me, I was just so beyond doing anything. I thought I am slowly losing focus, but I know this is not labor yet, get it together.
Around 5:30, after timing my contractions for an hourish, I decided to call my doula. However, there was a miscommunication, and she thought I said some of my contractions were coming ten minutes apart and some were five, but they were actually only 3 1/2 minutes apart and some 2 minutes apart. She said this was still pre-labor and to just wait it out. I started to cry.
I went to the bathroom and had a heart to heart with myself on the toilet. I had to psych myself up because if this was only prelabor, then I was in trouble. I told myself that this is how I felt during the marathon. I would have done anything to walk and take a nap, but it felt so great to finish that marathon. I was really uncomfortable at this point, but told myself I had to keep going. That I would feel comfortable again at some point, this was only temporary.
After my pep-talk, I headed back to our bed. I was actually really tired because I was beginning to be worn out from the contractions coming every 3 minutes now. This was around 6:15ish, I don't really know. Will laid down next to me and did not say anything. I would just squeeze his hand as they came. I remember a moment where I had to get on all fours and something shifted, but was still in denial. They started to really get uncomfortable, like I had so much pressure.
Will made the executive call to go the hospital around 7pm. He reasoned that the car ride would likely only get more uncomfortable if we waited, so we should just go ahead and go. I agreed. At this point, I was going to give it a faighting chance at the hospital, but I was ok with the epidural, I just wanted to not feel uncomfortable anymore. When I got up to get in the car, I began crying. There was no way I was getting into that car and I stated I knew why people have their babies at home. But then I argued with myself and decided to get in that car. I even told my mom I wanted her to call the ambulance, I am sure that freaked her out.
I called my Doula again and told her we were heading to the hospital. I decided to call the midwives also, but could not make it through the phone call. I had contractions on top of each other to the hospital. So miserable, but what helped me was when Will started breathing to a pattern beside me and I just focused on that. I insisted that I could walk from the parking lot to the hospital. I am pretty sure I went through transition (the hardest part of labor) on that walk. The contractions were every minute and some right now top of each other. I was that woman walking into labor and delivery that every just stares at, but I did not care.
We got the labor and delivery floor and the elevator opened, but I was hit with a monstrous contraction and could not get off, ha. Luckily, all I had to do was sign some paper and they immediately whisked me back to be check to see if I was in labor.
I was incredibly impressed with the nurses understanding. They let me finish with my contractions and then checked me in a matter of seconds. They declared I was at 9 cm dilated and I was having this baby. I was surprised and overcome with emotion. I had a slight panic that this was actually happening.
They wheeled me up to the delivery floor at 7:52pm. I walked into the room and got on the bed. I asked what I should be doing and they said whatever you want. I still had all my clothes on, hoped on that bed, got on all fours, and declared I am pushing. It felt so great to know I was at that point and I could finally push. I also loved knowing, I was in control, if I wanted to push, then I could. They only instructed me to change positions, to my side, because my whole body began cramping up on all fours. I pushed with my eyes totally closed, buried my head and wrapped my arms around Will's leg (he was standing on the side of the bed). I remember feeling such relief to push, but after about 15 minutes, I thought this child might not ever come out. I even thought, can't someone do this for me, aren't there like forceps or something? I screamed during every push, mostly out of emotion. I was that woman who every one could hear in the halls. I had held it together up to this point, I was allowed to scream right? Little Eliza hung out at the "ring of fire "(look it up) for a while and I would say that was the only painful part of the whole process. I felt her finally come out and they plopped her right on me. This was at 8:25 pm, after about 35 minutes of pushing. I saw right away she was a baby girl. I kept saying, " my baby, oh, my baby, and we have another little girl." I finally had opened my eyes and was surrounded by all these people who helped deliver my baby and met them for the first time.
I tried holding Eliza for a while, but I was incredibly worn out and shaky from the adrenaline. So I had Will take her to be weighed and such. She came out looking around and kept quiet for sometime, even during all of her checks. She weighed 7 lbs, 5 ounces and was 19 inches long. So a little smaller than Madison.
I just sat there on the bed in awe that it was all over. Every one kept telling me I did such a great job, but it all happened so fast, I could not process much. She was finally handed back to me and I got a chance to really see my girl. She had such dark hair, dark eye brows, blue eyes, eyelashes, and dimples. She looked quite different than I thought Madison did.
Our hospital stay was wonderful. A little bit long because I had group B strep and they did not have time to give me any penicillin. We even had tea and treat time in the evenings, it was great.
I felt wonderful the next day, I could actually get up and walk around. I showered by myself, I felt so much better after this birth than with Madison.
We got to leave the hospital, Friday, June 21st. Madison welcomed her baby sister and I got a bit emotional looking at my two babies together. We still have some adjustment to do, but it feels great to start our life as a family of four. My main emotion I am feeling is sadness that it is all over. It was just so great and am always sad when good things come to an end.
Now that I got to experience natural child birth, I am not sure what I was so scared of. It was not scary, it was natural. I was not in a lot of pain, just uncomfortable. It felt like I had a really bad stomachache that I just wanted to get rid of, but can't. I think knowing that at some point, the stomachache will end, helped me through that feeling. I knew it was temporary and it was not something I should fear. I also kind of like that I did most of my labor alone with my thoughts. I think that this was a personal accomplishment because my thoughts tend to attack me, but I worked through them, and convinced myself to keep going. The mind is a powerful thing.
I could keep going on and on, but just know, this was everything I could have hoped for and I feel so blessed to have such an answered prayer. From the beginning of this pregnancy, I have been praying about Eliza's delivery. I am incredibly thankful for a God that knows my heart and blessed me with the desires of it. I am also so thankful for Will. He did exactly what I would have wanted him to do during the process. He led me when I could not lead myself (convincing me to go to the hospital), he knew how to get me to focus through the car ride with his breathing, he was a strong support through pushing, and continually lets me know how impressed he is with me. He is my teammate and showed how well he knew me through it all.
Real life is going to set in quickly, but my prayer now is take everything one day at a time.
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