over the weekend

My dad came in to meet Eliza for the first time this past weekend. Things have settled down a bit so it was nice he timed his visit when he did. We are still struggling to venture outside of our home, so we did a lot of golf watching, nap taking, and barbequing.  

We did manage to go to the local amusement park that is only a mile away. It was our first time to take Madison to something like this. I was pretty excited to see how she would react to all the rides. Her first ride was the merry go round with Will. She enjoyed the "horseys," until they started to move, then she wanted off. I was nervous she would be miserable the rest of the time, but as soon as she got off the ride she wanted to go again. They have a lot of children rides, but the children have to ride them alone. She did so great though. It still amuses me how such little things make me so proud.

I think my dad had a fun time with us. He even took Madison to the park all by himself two different times. I think he was pretty exhausted after having a two year old crawl all over him for three days straight. He just kept asking me if there was any way we could hire someone to come and help me, ha. 

We are still very much in the newborn fog. I feel like I am not really an active participant in my life, like my body is on auto-pilot and just doing what needs to be done. Will says it is the exhaustion that is making us feel that way and so I know it will lift at some point. I really am loving this job I have as a mother, probably even more than I ever have, but I am still adjusting to this new addition. So I think we both have our sights set on Christmas for feeling "normal" again. 

two months

Eliza is two months old. I want to be my usual sentimental self and say, "oh, where has the time gone, its going by so fast," but with each passing week our little child seems happier. So I am welcoming time passing right now. 

At two months:

*She is smiling when she is awake instead of screaming. She is even borderline laughing. It still takes me by surprise every time I look down at her and she is cooing away. I just love hearing happy noises coming from her. It was truly heart breaking to feel like my baby was in misery. 

*She has done a few eight hour and six hour stretches at night. I think she would always sleep this long if she did not have lingering gas issues. She most consistently wakes up twice a night now and usually falls right back to sleep after I feed her. 

*She is growing more and more content with being put down. She is even falling asleep on her own with out me rocking her during the day. 

*She has rolled over a couple of times when I put her on her tummy. She holds her head up really well and seems quite strong. 

*She enjoys eating a lot more and does not stop mid way through the feeding to scream anymore. She still is not the biggest fan of a bottle or pacifier. The most she has had out of a bottle is an ounce of milk. 

*She fits in three to six month clothes. I think she might end up being chubbier than Madison.

*Her eyes get really large when we make eye contact, like she is totally surprised. After our eyes meet, she usually breaks out in a huge grin.

*She still has that lovely newborn smell. It is something that can not really be described to someone who does not have a child. I think the smell of a newborn and all their silly mannerisms is what I will miss the most.

Overall, this month went much smoother than the last. We still eat most of our meals with Eliza screaming because she is exhausted or we struggle to get her to fall asleep, but overall, so much easier.  This month makes me excited for what Eliza will become. It is so great to finally feel like my baby is enjoying life and has a blooming personality.

an update of sorts

I am really not sure if I will ever be in pictures again. I would rather capture what these beauties look like during this time, than the haggard mom I am during this time. 

I have been wanting to update on this time, but my mind draws a complete blank. These past eight weeks have been a really hard time for us. I struggled with writing about it or talking about it because I feel like I would come across as ungrateful and weak. I just think that God uses these newborn days as a way to reveal all my little cracks and remind me how I must fill those cracks up with Him. 

Will and I agree that with Madison and now with Eliza, the hardness of it all brought to light parts of ourselves that needed some work. With Madison I had to come to terms with how little control I actually have. With Eliza I have had to let go of, well pretty much everything. Having children is a constant reminder that my life is not my own. This is something that God deeply desires me to know, but it is so easy to forget. 

Since I have totally eliminated dairy from my diet, Eliza seems to finally be more at peace. It took sometime to see results and she spend that time screaming. I sometimes can still hear her screaming even when the house is silent. She is finally smiling and cooing and can be awake without screaming, I can hardly believe it. I feel I am still holding my breath though. She still has a screaming fit about once a week, but gosh, once a week is manageable. I can even put her down with out her screaming now, which still takes me by surprise. I do not think I put her down for five weeks straight.

The girls barely nap at the same time, so I spend almost all day with a child close by. I am finally reaching the point where letting Will give me a break is more manageable. It just takes a bit of work to leave Eliza (I have to pump...) and I always stress that its too stressful for him to handle them. Well, today he took them to a birthday party for one of his coworkers daughters. He was gone for three hours and all I did was clean. It is funny to me that during my time to myself all I wanted to do was clean uninterrupted. I then went on a run. So I am probably more tired than I was to begin with, but my mind can rest easy knowing my house is clean.

We are still taking it day by day. Each day is sometimes a little bit better or a little bit worse, nothing is quite predictable yet. We still feel like we are drowning, but I think we are slowly, inching our way closer to being able to grab the side of the pool.

more photos of the children

So life is still pretty hard for us over here. I am barely able to take pictures with my phone and they are mostly of Eliza's face because that is pretty much what is in front of me all day. Eliza seems to be doing a bit better (see the actual smile in picture), but is still fairly hard to settle down. We are just trying to take it day by day.

The good news is that she turned six weeks last Wednesday, so now I am able to start exercising. This will probably be the only thing I can really do for myself, so I am thrilled I can have at least thirty minutes every day not holding a child. 

Hopefully, I will have a bit more pep in my step in the coming weeks, but keeping these two little ones alive and somewhat happy is all I have really been doing lately.