on my mind

* My dog's snoring kept me up last night. Yes, Aspen, is a snoring, stinky dog. She literally sounds like an old man snoring with each inhale. At least if it was Will snoring, I could hit him and say cut that out, but I am afraid Aspen would be unable to understand.

* I might have mentioned this before, but I am trying really hard to fight the fear that drives our society. It seems that no matter what type of magazine I browse through there is always an article directed towards fear. For example, the parenting magazines have parenting "tips" that seem to only make the point that if you say or do the wrong thing you will screw your child up. Who needs to read about that stuff?? Who can possibly think about every little thing they say to their child and analyze it before the words come out of their mouth? Another example is all the "dangers" to avoid while pregnant. I do not feel relieved to have read the information but instead feel as if I must create a bubble immediately and never leave. Because everything down to the type of bottle I drink my water out of could harm me. I think that the best thing I can do is realize that while some of this advice might be accurate, fear is not something God designed for us to live in. Fear is crippling and I must choose to live free of fear.

* I will most likely be writing more about fear because I can find its evidence everywhere. The birthing classes we will be taking later on in March address the fear associated with birth and the way it distorts the birthing experience.

* I truly want to fight all negative thoughts I might have towards my expanding body. I believe, for the most part, I am embracing my expanding torso. Even to the point that Will continually shakes his head at how much I rub my uncovered belly because I love letting it all hang out. However, this past week, despite working out every day, I felt those negative thoughts creeping in. Thoughts like: Why won't my arms tone? My belly does not look as good as I think it does. My face is already swelling up. Even my comment on last week's picture of looking as big as a whale, is not productive. I do not want those negative thoughts to strip away the beauty of creating life and the beauty of living free from the chains of self-hatred. I want to take pride in what my body is capable of, whether it is running a marathon or housing a child for nine months.

* I am almost certain we are going to find out the gender of our lil munchkin. I can not find a reason to really sway my opinion one way or the other. I think that either way is great and other people should not judge someone's decision to find out. However, if the child decides not to cooperate, I will be totally ok with that also. I am pretty sure we will keep the name to ourselves until they are born. I really do not think I can handle people's opinion on the name and once the name is on the birth certificate there is not much room for an opinion.

* We are spending the night in a forest service cabin tomorrow night. There is no running water or electricity. Which is really ok except for the fact I get up of a minimum four times a night to use the bathroom (probably most annoying symptom of pregnancy thus far). So that means getting up and popping a squat in the below freezing temperatures, yikes. I should have pictures from the experience (ha, not the experience of peeing outside), some pictures other than my belly.

* I have more thoughts, but this is enough rambling for now.