Week Twenty Six

This week it seemed to really hit me that I am indeed pregnant and certain things I am just unable to do. I feel more creaky. This causes me to be frustrated because I find a lot of self-worth in what my body does physically. Whether it is the appearance of it or how many miles I just ran, my mood is often based on how I feel about myself physically.

So when my body is ever expanding, mostly in the places that I feel are unnecessary for proper baby growth, I get down. So when I am forced to have to walk for an hour instead of running and my feet still hurt, I get down. So when I work my arms more than I ever have in my life and see no results, I get get down.

Because there is not much I can do physically to make myself feel better, I must turn to something else, like what God says about me. The verses I have been reading this week mostly pertain to how God views my heart. How God does not value the same things that man values. So I have been attempting to work on my heart and my inside rather than the outside. I want to truly be able to find myself valuable despite how much I worked out that day. I want this for me and I want this for our daughter. I know that she is going to watch my every move and I want my actions to reveal to her my confidence does not come from what I look like physically. I wish I could snap my fingers and I would not longer struggle with this, but I know it is most likely going to be an ongoing issue that I must continually pray about.

So moving right along. This week has also been good. I have been quite busy with substitute teaching, babysitting, and yoga. Will is applying for jobs, tutoring, and finishing up his graduate degree. Aspen is busy growling at dogs, pooping up a storm, and counting down the minutes until she gets to eat again. Baby is getting stronger, sitting sideways inside of me, and trying to poke various body parts through my skin.

Husband quotes of the week:

1. We are walking, me in front of him, and all of a sudden he starts chuckling. I of course turn around and ask what is so funny. He says, "Nothing, its just that your butt is just, um, so big."

2. I was telling Will how several very sweet women have commented on how I have only gotten bigger in my stomach and are surprised to hear my feet hurt because of the weight gain. And Will replies with, "Really? Because I can for sure tell you have gained those twenty pounds."

Well I am off to Yoga and maybe Target. My clothes I thought I would for sure be able to fit into are gradually being eliminated one by one. Just three more months, it will all be ok.