Is that how the saying goes? Well, I think that I became all the "new me's" I could handle last year.
I spent the first part of the year growing in size. My body expanding to fit baby girl's growth. Documenting my pregnancy and the anticipation of Madison, pretty much took over January through July. So there was the new me, that was an expectant mother. Something I am still in awe over.
Then there was July. The month I had been counting down to for ten months. The month I repeated over and over again to strangers. I blinked and it had disappeared. With it, I became a mother, we became parents. So the new me was a squishy all over mom.
As July faded into December, my body became recognizable again and so did my brain. Like I said, everything was squishy, pregnancy and giving birth made my head spin. So then I became a mixture of the "old me" with the "new mother me" thrown in the mix.
But in all reality, July through December, were mostly spent trying to get baby girl to do this.
Our efforts have not produced the results we desire because she would much rather be doing this.
Naked and eating her toes.
So I am attempting to be contemplative about the massive amount of change I have undergone this past year, but it is somewhat difficult when our night looked like this...
7:15 pm: Madison falls asleep really easily. Just lay little one in her crib and she drifts off. She also had been up since 2, so maybe that helped.
7:45 pm: Madison is back up screaming. Give her some gas medicine and some tylenol. We have resorted to drugging our child to get her to sleep.
10:40 pm: About an hour after we have gone to bed. So we are in that place of finally being relaxed enough to fall asleep, but have been asleep just long enough to where being woken up by crying is like torture.
11 pm: Will finally gets her back to sleep. I have no idea of the actual time because I was unable to move.
12 am: Madison is back awake. Oh good gosh, what is wrong with her. Decide to just feed her. Even though I know she is not hungry, but I am sooo tired.
12:15 am: She is back asleep. I decide to keep her in bed with us, maybe this will help. I can not really fall back asleep because I fear I might squish her. She is happily snuggled next to me until...
1:35 am: She starts thrashing. Arms flailing, legs kicking, head spinning side to side. This awakens Will and he begins to wonder what has possessed our daughter.
2:0o am: She is back asleep in her room now.
5:00 am: Back awake. Feed her again. Will rocks her.
7:00 am: Back again for good.
Exhausted, just reading that??
We have started her on rice cereal for real this time. She is downing that nasty substance like its her last meal. We have stopped swaddling her. We try and just pat her back to sleep. We have tried letting her cry (she grunted/whined for two hours straight Saturday morning). We have tried just about everything.
So in moments of clarity I realize I must accept my non sleeping child. That this will all pass with time. And just think how many extra snuggles I get from my kid because she is up all night, ha.
I also must rely more on the Lord to get me through this because exhaustion is real. Its effects are raw and very ugly. I am really starting to believe that Madison refuses to sleep because it keeps my ego in check. My pride over having a baby that sleeps and is happy all the time would be huge. I would think I had this mom thing down and become way too arrogant and only rely on myself, instead of the Lord.
This verse is helping me:
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death."
Psalm 68:19-20
So last year I think I reached my max in things changed. I am sure when I am in a less sleep deprived state (when she is 18?), I will write about the things I am hoping God will help change in me.
But for now, my hope for the new year is to just relish in all the beautiful changes Madison is going through. To enjoy my family of three. To be a devoted wife and mother. To fully soak in all the changes that were at work last year to get me to where I am now.
Naked and eating her toes.
So I am attempting to be contemplative about the massive amount of change I have undergone this past year, but it is somewhat difficult when our night looked like this...
7:15 pm: Madison falls asleep really easily. Just lay little one in her crib and she drifts off. She also had been up since 2, so maybe that helped.
7:45 pm: Madison is back up screaming. Give her some gas medicine and some tylenol. We have resorted to drugging our child to get her to sleep.
10:40 pm: About an hour after we have gone to bed. So we are in that place of finally being relaxed enough to fall asleep, but have been asleep just long enough to where being woken up by crying is like torture.
11 pm: Will finally gets her back to sleep. I have no idea of the actual time because I was unable to move.
12 am: Madison is back awake. Oh good gosh, what is wrong with her. Decide to just feed her. Even though I know she is not hungry, but I am sooo tired.
12:15 am: She is back asleep. I decide to keep her in bed with us, maybe this will help. I can not really fall back asleep because I fear I might squish her. She is happily snuggled next to me until...
1:35 am: She starts thrashing. Arms flailing, legs kicking, head spinning side to side. This awakens Will and he begins to wonder what has possessed our daughter.
2:0o am: She is back asleep in her room now.
5:00 am: Back awake. Feed her again. Will rocks her.
7:00 am: Back again for good.
Exhausted, just reading that??
We have started her on rice cereal for real this time. She is downing that nasty substance like its her last meal. We have stopped swaddling her. We try and just pat her back to sleep. We have tried letting her cry (she grunted/whined for two hours straight Saturday morning). We have tried just about everything.
So in moments of clarity I realize I must accept my non sleeping child. That this will all pass with time. And just think how many extra snuggles I get from my kid because she is up all night, ha.
I also must rely more on the Lord to get me through this because exhaustion is real. Its effects are raw and very ugly. I am really starting to believe that Madison refuses to sleep because it keeps my ego in check. My pride over having a baby that sleeps and is happy all the time would be huge. I would think I had this mom thing down and become way too arrogant and only rely on myself, instead of the Lord.
This verse is helping me:
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death."
Psalm 68:19-20
So last year I think I reached my max in things changed. I am sure when I am in a less sleep deprived state (when she is 18?), I will write about the things I am hoping God will help change in me.
But for now, my hope for the new year is to just relish in all the beautiful changes Madison is going through. To enjoy my family of three. To be a devoted wife and mother. To fully soak in all the changes that were at work last year to get me to where I am now.
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