the slow turn

It has been about three months since Eliza arrived. I have made it pretty clear we have struggled to find our footing, but I felt quite a shift last week. I think it is easy to not acknowledge the slow transitions in life, to just let them happen, and wonder how we got to where we are. So I just want to make a note to myself that the shift is here.

I am finding bits of myself again. I am finding strength where there was not any before. I am growing confident in my ability to parent both girls. I have time to think thoughts that do not involve dairy allergies and potty training (well, only sometimes...)

 I really do think the turning point was when I finally worked up the courage to take both girls jogging last week. The task seemed too huge just two weeks ago. The process of getting everything ready, not knowing if they would scream the whole time, wondering if Madison would pee all over herself, prevented me from going. Yet, last week, all of that did not seem so crippling and I just went. Its moments like that I feel I am slowly reclaiming myself. My children dictate so much of my life, to feel like I can take back just a sliver, did wonders for my outlook. I felt like I was owning parenthood instead of the other way around.

I do not feel like I am totally out of the clear. Eliza still wakes up four times a night. I also took the girls running on Wednesday during a monsoon, that did not end well. However, I feel a turn happening. My life is making a bit more sense and life with two children is more manageable.