strained abs + snotty nose

I sat here a week ago, hoping to update the blog, but the only words that would come out were rambling on about all our "misfortunes." 

My child had an epic long running snotty nose the past two (almost three) weeks. I had to cancel plans, rearrange my "schedule," I locked keys in the house, I broke my phone, and on an on. It all just sounded really down and out and I feel that has been my story most of the winter. Feeling down and whining about it. 

Then things started to look up. Last Friday I attended a women's retreat in Estes Park with the church we recently started attending. I met fellow moms that live blocks away, I met single women, older women, all sorts of neat people. They even remembered me on Sunday and said, "hi." I then attended a ladies night with some of the women where we just ate dessert on Tuesday. I felt like I was finally making a break through towards meeting people and feeling  apart of a community here.

Yet, during all of this new socializing I was doing, my hip pain transferred to strained lower ab pain. So I have been fighting hard this week to regain my independence and declare my body my own. I have not fully rested like I should. Who will vacuum and pick up my daughter if I don't? I still went to the gym a few times and went on several long walks because the sun finally decided to shine. All this to say, I am stubborn. 

I am not sure what points I am trying to make through this except I am realizing more and more how I attempt to make this life my own. I try to make it as comfortable as possible and I try to control as many aspects of it as I can. So when things just were not going my way the past two weeks and when my body keeps acting in a way I can not control, I freak out. 

This all ties into the message last Sunday at church. The pastor spoke about how the message of Christ dying for us was not just a sweet story about a good man or saint that died. It is a message of God's people continually refusing to worship him and declaring this earth as their own. We took and continually take the life God has given us and claim it as our own. So God's message through sending his final messenger, his son, was that we would either worship him or deny him, there is no in between. Christ was not simply a man who lived a good life, he was our final hope, our final chance of living a life that will outlast this world. Our God is will eventually come to reclaim everything that is His. 

So I have been working through all my many issues and being reminded of this truth. My life is His. To spend my time upset because my child's nose won't stop running and I keep injuring myself, is rather ridiculous. I try to regain control over my life in so many ways, to do it all on my own, to deny my need for a Savior. But I pray that this weekend, I can be reminded again how much I am in actual need of a Savior, the Savior that died on the cross and rose again for people that deny him over and over again. 

Even though I have been in a funk this past winter, I am thankful for the way in which God is providing me ways out of it. I have started seeing a wonderful Christian counselor. We found a church with potential for me to talk my junk out with other women. I am learning tools to better control my emotions. Its almost summer. We are having a lot of family visit us soon. Will might finally be done with his life-sucking project at work. We even have a date tonight! 

Happy Easter, I pray it is more than just colorful eggs and candy.