the time warp that has been the last four months...

 I catch myself telling people how old Eliza is, and it causes me to pause a minute. A four month old? Four month seems like such a long time, yet I can not really account for those four months. We have been taking everything day by day. Because of this approach, every day pretty much feels the same. I see no difference in a Wednesday or a Saturday. I try to think of what I did last weekend or the weekend before and I draw a blank. This bothers me because I feel upset that our precious, fleeting life is just vanishing into the abyss. However, I know that we are just doing what we need to do in order to survive. 

We have a four month old who wakes nearly every two hours at night and is not a dependable napper. She is struggling to gain weight, which we just found out last week, and we are trying everything we can to get calories in her. She is what I call, a full time job. Yet, we have a two year old, a house to maintain, a boss to please, graduate school to attend, groceries to buy, and a marriage to work on. Everything falls on just our two shoulders and we have not had any reprieve from it all in these past four months. 

I will catch glimpses of the fog clearing, only to have it followed by another overcast day. I thought we were truly finding our groove and things took a turn again. I desperately want out of this survival mode we are in, but do not exactly know how to do that. 

I had several moments last week where I thought we surely are not going to make it out, but here we are. Another week, another month, we are somehow making it through. My approach has been to just keep doing it day by day. I have started to mentally make a  note of what I want to do today and find a way to make that happen. When I start to get ahead of myself, I become overwhelmed. 

Maybe today is not such a foggy day because I felt inspired to make something for the first time in a very long time. I am going to make a little something for myself for Halloween. I am also going to try and turn some boot cut jeans into skinny jeans.  Maybe these two projects will spur on a blog post that is about something other than our struggles. Either way, Halloween is tomorrow and we have some plans to take Madison trick or treating. I am looking forward to sharing in the joy of watching her experience new things.